The Naked Truth

Q:  So another Valentine’s Day is quickly approaching and here I am, single and without a man for another Hallmark holiday. This could be due to the fact that I seem to only be drawn to the “bad boy” type, whom I know will eventually treat me like shit and leave me with the only good men I’ve ever known, Mr. Ben & Jerry. Why I am only attracted to bad guys and why do I keep letting ruin my love life?

A: Let me first say that we’ve all been there. I don’t think there is any way of avoiding the temptation of the “bad boy” charm; but there are a few who have managed to escape it, or at least have been smart enough to see through the bullshit we use to validate these kind of relationships. So, how do these women do it? How do they manage to find great guys who treat them well, while the rest of us are stuck on the couch watching The Notebook and eating a pint of ice cream?

Well, first let me say that if you haven’t read the book (or seen the movie) He’s Just Not That Into You, please do.It brings to light an important point that I think eludes most women. If a boy treats you like shit and isn’t good to you, then he actually doesn’t care about you. It’s that simple. Most of us were told at a very young age, by our loving mothers or other parental figures, that if a boy is mean to you, he is doing it because he likes you. While this might be true as children, this type of thinking follows us into adulthood and only sets us up for relationship failure.

My advice? Ditch the “bad boy” obsession and consider that guy friend who’s always there when you need him and who’s always been caring and supportive. You never know, he might be a “bad boy” where it counts the most.

Q:  I’ve always wanted to try role-playing with my boyfriend because I’ve always thought it would be fun and it would add more to our sex lives that seem to be always bogged down by homework, exams and endless studying. The problem is that I’m afraid it would be awkward or embarrassing and I also don’t really have any ideas of what kind of roles could be acted out. What’s your opinion?

A: Personally, I’m all for role-playing. I think it is fun and it makes you feel a bit “bad” at times, which is good for most of us, since we spend the majority of our time being “good little college students,” right?  Either way, we’re “adults” now, and there is no sense in neglecting our sex lives because we’re afraid of being embarrassed in front of our significant others.
If role-playing is something you want to do, confidence is key. Yyou can incorporate aspects of yourself that you’re most comfortable with -- or you can unleash parts of your personality that you don’t normally explore. In fact, that’s the beauty of role-playing: you get to be anyone you want, so have fun with it.

It is important, however, to keep the scenarios you choose simple and within your own boundaries. Stick with characters and story lines that you’re most familiar with. A few suggestions: boss/employee (the employee has to follow your specific orders), the professor/student (tell the student that they have misbehaved and they have to stay after class – and please no actual professor/student role-playing), and then there’s my personal favorite, the delivery girl/boy (when your significant other is home alone, you can fake a delivery, only to surprise them with a “special package” of your own).
These are just some suggestions to get you started. The best practice is to take it slow at first, until you are both ready to try new things. Moreover, role-playing is definitely encouraged as a way to spice up your sex life and expand your self expression. And with so many pre-med students on campus just waiting to “play doctor,” there is no need to be embarrassed.